I miss reading books (for fun).

Today I drank "Cobra" for the first time.

Oh.

I shall update this blog SOON.

There's so much to tell.

Happy.

Pangarap sa buhay #1.

: )

Nomination.

I received another e-mail today.

And I shall expect another one within the coming days.

I am both happy and nervous.

One final stretch before I face two possible realities.

I am hoping for the best. Cheers!

God is good.

February

This lack of sleep
for the whole month of February,
or for the whole stretch of 2011,
or for the whole state of my restless 18th,
or for this whole chain of yawns and stares and spoons and sheets
that is life,
has finally settled
in its
own
niche
in
my
own
dark pair
of
unhealthy
bags.

Quite relevant

 Today's poetry class is very interesting.

***

You Who Never Arrived 

by Rainer Maria Rilke

You who never arrived

in my arms, Beloved, who were lost

from the start,

I don't even know what songs

would please you. I have given up trying

to recognize you in the surging wave of the next

moment. All the immense

images in me-- the far-off, deeply-felt landscape,

cities, towers, and bridges, and unsuspected

turns in the path,

and those powerful lands that were once

pulsing with the life of the gods-

all rise within me to mean

you, who forever elude me.You, Beloved, who are all

the gardens I have ever gazed at,

longing. An open window

in a country house--, and you almost

stepped out, pensive, to meet me.Streets that I chanced upon,--

you had just walked down them and vanished.

And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors

were still dizzy with your presence and, startled,

gave back my too-sudden image. Who knows?

perhaps the same bird echoed through both of us

yesterday, seperate, in the evening...

Okay, this is difficult. But it shouldn't be. Cheers.

I have decided that for a moment, yes, it is true. I was.

But this will have to stop. This is not how I should live my life. This is not how I am supposed to be.

Starting today, more effort shall be given into trying to resolve this.

God is good. Cheers.

Too many signs pointing at one direction.

I think I've finally acknowledged "it."

But I'm still in the process of accepting it. If it is indeed true.

This will be a long process; it could take months, even years. But that is life.

***
I am patiently waiting for March (for my scholarship results). If everything goes according to plan, then I'll be spending my summer in Ritsu.

If this is not happening this year, then I shall pursue my internship requirements this summer.
I might also take electives in Sociology.
I also want to join a new organization - something related to social work (I really want to join an org which aims to help children and an org which supports and strengthens womens' rights).

Life is quasi-clear as of today.
***

And yes, I think I might be who I think I am. As of today.
Cheers!

I am so happy for the people of Egypt. I hope that everything works out well for them. They have proven that collective action is still the best and most effective form of active movement.

***
I am still thinking it over (last night's thoughts) -- if I am ready to talk about my "bemusement" with a friend. I am considering this idea. I have this very close gay friend. I know he'll understand me, he's very open-minded. But I don't have to rush into things. If I haven't accepted it myself, then there is no eminent reason for me to share it with others. But then again, I really want to talk about it with others and I want to get their insights.

Decisions.

I'll deal with this by myself, then I shall consult others.

Thank goodness for reliable literature.