Sayang hindi tayo naging friends. Sayang kasi gusto talaga kitang maging close friend.
Kasi tingin ko, kung nagkakilala tayo nang mas maaga at naging magkaibigan, saktong-sakto lang ang timpla.
(WHAT?? May timpla-timpla pang nalalaman right hohoho)
Ikaw na kasi ang ideal person. Ikaw na. HOHO
Eh yung pwede naman akong mag-hello or mag-smile, pero noooo, halamanparin.
...
Shyness and awkwardness, I partly blame you. Oh no.
I'm a happy person. I always list "humor" as one of the things I love (right after books, writing, film, anime, photography, fiction, journalism, food, docus, and other geeky matters). I'm a very different person when I'm around my close friends. I enjoy friendly conversations.
I'm not always as "introverted" as I may seem. I only seem "extra shy and reticent" when I'm around:
* strangers/new acquaintances
* people who make me nervous - this can have different implications
You carry a good kind of implication : )
...I should try talking more. Yes, I'm a naturally reserved person. I don't really "open up" to just anyone. I can only have these "deep" conversations with my closest friends. Sometimes, I also find it difficult to show the "real me" (yes, it's clichéd).
No matter how trite this may sound, here it goes -- I tend to be quiet around people I'm not really close with YET. I can only "unleash" my hidden happy/Imasuperhappycreaturewhoenjoysmakingcornyjokes side when I'm around my close friends. But when I'm with a "different" crowd, I can't seem to be "myself." This isn't spurious living or anything close to that. I just can't seem to really open up and share what there is to share.
There. I'm talking too much AGAIN. But only when I'm writing. I can't seem to put all of these into actuality. I want to be more expressive, but I seem uncomfortable with that idea. I want to be more friendly, I want to make the first approach, I want to smile + say hi first before you do so I wouldn't have to wait in awkward silence matched with an elusive pair of eyes. I want to stop pretending that I don't see people, that I don't recognize/remember them.
I've buried myself in my studies, allowing myself to swim in languor, floating amongst livid colors. I got lost in my own equilibrium. I want to be, I need to be more friendly.
...
May disadvantages din pala ang pagiging halaman.
(Parang hindi ako nagsulat nito. Weird. Nakakailang. Iba. Nakakadiri lang. Oh no. I apologize [to baffled self] for the code-switching, sometimes it's just vehemently necessary. Hoho.)
^ Strange. This is very strange.
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