Still under the same sky. A very awesome sky. Yes.

Cheers to 2010!

Each year keeps on getting better, yes?

Cheers to a happy 2011!

: )

And here's my happy tree, I painted it myself. Hihi.

My happy tree. Hug my happy tree.

Cheers to a happy and goal-oriented 2011! Cheers.

Baffled battleships on confused creeks.

What a good year. Cheers to 2010!

I spent some time with my best friend (from high school) today. It was fun. I haven't seen this person for two years! There was a lot of catching up. What a great way to end 2010.

: )

Here's another smile just because I'm feeling extra happy
: )

I've been reading about Globalization for around two hours now. I've also been distracted by Samantha Brown's program on Travel & Living, so those two hours were divided into studying lectures and watching (envying) Ms. Brown's adventures. She went to Paris and Tuscany. What great experiences you've had, Samantha.

But I'm actually enjoying studying these lectures on Globalization; it's closely related with the topics I've been reading about the real notions of "Development." I think I'm starting to like this class. As I encounter more and more ideas coming from different authors, the world is starting to shed its jovial skin, allowing more of its true and darker nature to greet me. These authors have introduced me to the harsh veracities of life. These texts have already shown me how much power a tiny percentage of the human population has over the indifferent and the oppressed. Myriad lies are countered by myriad truths. And truths are battling against other truths.

I have been observing my current pattern of interest, I think I may have found my real path. Those recent realizations and pensive reflections have finally evolved into an actual enlightenment. Thank you, favorite professor for the much needed guidance.

My feelings towards the "glossy" media industry has not changed. It remains ambivalent. It has its own share of good days and bad days. Most of the time, it's the bad, but hey, let's try to change that.

Despite this recently developed "enlightenment" of the real things I aspire in life, much bafflement still resides within me. It's as if my left hand is reaching for what my right hand is blocking.

I've mentioned before that I want to live somewhere near the sea (or in some strange mountain) by the time I retire from my chosen line of work (which is still an on-going/semi-evasive search). But I also want that "line of work" to involve a lot of travelling.

Most of my goals and passions have remained in the proud shadows of quasi-abstractions: 

Write. Teach. Help. Learn. Inspire. Travel. 

Fiction. Non-fiction. Film. Books.

Sociology. Literature.

Cheers to an on-going struggle of finding ways on how to find clarity amidst a blurry pool of aspirations! 

There are so many things we want to do, we feel so certain about most of our aspirations and yet why are we still left with much confusion? Or maybe that's just me who is bemused by life. I know what I want to do in life, but I don't know which path is the "right" path, which path is the "plausible" path? These rows of queries are incessantly piling up.

One of the scariest questions I often ask myself is:

What do I do after college?

Perhaps it's only natural for a student to feel uncertain about the future. Perhaps I can answer this question soon enough for me to be able to ponder over the next life-altering question waiting for me.

But my confusion is not solely confined to career-related decisions, it has also extended itself to a more personal aspect in my life. This year has been blessed with so much questions that have nudged me into knowing myself better. This current confusion has been around for a long time, but it is only now that I have bravely acknowledged the fact that it's true, that it's part of who I am as an individual. I shall resolve this soon.

Q & A. Questions and answers. They always appear as a pair, can't they exist separately? A question does not have to have an immediate answer. And an answer can be an answer to different questions.

Cheers to a life full of questions and answers! Cheers.  

I slept at 5am, I woke up at 12nn

This is bad and/or sad.

In 2011, I shall give a gift to my convoluted body clock.

I was up all night making/studying a report on Arturo Escobar's text about Place, Localization, and Globalization. Oh.

But there were also a lot of distractions before I was able to start with the important things I had to do. Time management skills, I wish to improve you in 2011. Cheers!

I shall watch "Youth in Revolt" this evening. Cera with a mustache, interesting.

I'll be spending my afternoon with my best friends from high school. I haven't seen them for a year? I'm not sure. I'm excited. hihi.

This photo is strange. Very out of character (for me to take pictures of myself like this). Oh well:

I wear white shirts when I'm at home. All my house shirts are white.
(irrelevant information)

My brother also wears white shirts at home. All his house shirts are white.
(another irrelevant information)

It's Rizal day today. New Year's Eve tomorrow. 

Cheers to you, random reader! : )

I wrote a relatively (semi) vague/cryptic poem today. I hope someone cracks the code. Oh

Time flies so fast.

Query: Why do we use the verb "fly"? Can't we say that time "swims" so fast or time "crawls" so fast?

Okay.

I composed a new organ piece today. I feel happier now. Hihi. If you want to listen to it (it's called "Clocks on Ice"), just go to the Music Compositions tab.  : )

Time flies/swims/crawls/wiggles so fast. I was composing an organ piece a while ago. It was 8:30 PM, then the next thing I knew it was already 10 PM. Then the next time I checked the clock, it's already 12 midnight. Before we know it, it would be the year 2050 and by then, my nails still haven't experienced nail polish (I have virgin nails hihi - irrelevant information).Time is an odd element.

So now I am reading a text by Arturo Escobar -- "Culture sits in places: reflections on globalism and subaltern strategies of localization" Excuse me as I hyperventilate.

Hi.

I have to do a report on this one. Wish me luck. Oh. This will be an interesting night/morning.

But I have to get up early! I'm spending the day with my best friends tomorrow : )

Too bad I wasn't able to watch "A Home at the End of the World" on HBO. I want to watch that movie again.

Oh, and about the poem. It's in my Fiction and Poetry tab. If you want to crack the vagueness, then look for "One to Four." It's based on events last semester, so it only makes sense to the author and...

Bye now.

We should eat almonds. We should.

There is something off about today's TV shows. I've always valued substance over style, but today I've noticed that both elements were missing. How tragic.

Just a while ago, I saw this show called "Shoutout." One teen/pre-teen (I'm not sure how old she is. She looks too young to be masked with that heavy make-up. And yet it seemed that she had something behind her colorful blouse. Oh.) said that she has always wanted to become an actress, and now she can buy whatever she wants. I am not kidding, she said this. What a sad world these kids live in. A world within THE world.

The show that followed was an equally hormonally-charged "youth-oriented" program. I wonder how these stations define "youth-oriented" programs. The show features "good looking" (based on how the media molded the concept of beauty) teens practicing the science of friction (on each other, ahoy matey!). These characters have so much drama in their lives, I wonder how they were able to squeeze in some time to do their homework. Oh wait, they can't have homework because they still have to fight for their underage lover against the nasty hacienderos of the mystical village 21,000 miles away from reality. 

And let us not talk about the MMFF results. Dear, mystical donuts of unfair trials, let us not discuss this here.

 ***
And now for some photographs: aaaah --> that's my happy sigh. aaaah

Two of my favorite things: my blue alarm clock and my coffee mug

This looks fun. I wonder what happened to that chicken?

I found this in my grandparents' garden.

It's either near the sea or up in some strange mountain, that's where I'll write my final book. 

I found this in my grandparents' house.

I really love this picture. You can tell heaps of different stories with this picture. I took this picture at my grandparents' house.

This photo strangely reminds me of my childhood.
Again, this was taken in my grandparents' house.

Good gravy, these fireworks they sell have amazing names -- Good bye Earth, Good bye etc. Maybe they should name it Good bye fingers? Oh no. I shall stop talking now. 

Cheers!

It's strangely cold outside. Zooey D. was right.

Hi.

I can't wait to start reading you.

I want to finish reading Kafka so I can move on to Skinner. Time management skills, don't fail me now. Seriously, don't.

I read the final chapter of Henry David Thoreau's WALDEN last month through an e-book download. Very interesting insights from Mr. Thoreau. Unfortunately, the ebook only featured the final chapter. I've been looking for a copy of WALDEN but I can't find any, what I did find was B.F. Skinner's WALDEN TWO. I shall read it after finishing my academic onuses (oh).

Here are some of my favorite lines from WALDEN's final chapter:

However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names. It is not so bad as you are. It looks poorest when you are richest.


The fault finder will find faults even in paradise. Love your life, poor as it is.


Things do not change; we change. Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.


Superfluous wealth can buy superfluities only. Money is not required to buy one necessary of the soul.


It is not worth the while to go round the world to count the cats in Zanzibar. 


*** 

That blue alarm clock was a gift from my dad, and behind it is a bottle of Cocoa Butter lotion. Strange world we live in.

Yes, that notebook is too nice.

Today's agenda: Study Japanese. Finish reading assignments. Do reports.

Today I'm reading about the different notions of development. The title of today's text is "The Transformation of Rural Society in the Third World." 

Today shall be a very interesting Wednesday.

Bye.

There are crabsticks and veggies and hot soup, wow!

My mom is watching Disney's "The Kid" on Star Movies. And I'm eating Japanese noodles.

Last night (until early in the morning), I finished the reading assignments in my Ethnographic Videography class. It wasn't that fun. Oh no. But some parts were interesting.I still like my other class better -- Broadcasting and Development.

I still have to do school munchies today until my vacation ends. Oh. I hope I can squeeze in some reading and movie time (and quasi-stalking time. I kid).

And as the tradition goes, here's my list of new year's re-so-lu-tions:

* wake up EARLIER (This entire vacation, I haven't waken up earlier than 12nn, unless there's a family trip/except on the 24th,25th).
* exercise, be healthy
* read more books/watch more old films
* write more
* be more friendly, assertive
* learn how to cook, drive, swim, ride a bike, (fly a plane only if it's plausible).

Good day. 

Chibi Maruko Chan is on cable, but noooo, I can't watch because of these readings

I am STILL reading about Ethnography. I just finished reading about Etic and Emic approaches and the different types and approaches to Non-fiction films.

And now I'm still reading about non-fiction films. This will be a long night/morning.

I'm taking a short break. Cheers to that.

And just because I feel the need to share something, here's a list of the blogs I frequently visit:

http://naodragonpeach.wordpress.com/ "Heenai Heenai: Daily Life of a Japanese Mom"
- A Japanese mom's blog. Very interesting, especially if you want to know more about the Japanese culture.

http://mymilktoof.blogspot.com/ "My Milk Toof"
- Best blog. I'm serious. Follow the adventures of two milk teeth. Oh yes.

http://aixxx.wordpress.com/ "It will Stop Raining"
- She takes pictures of her meals everyday. Everyday. And also pictures of interesting places in Japan.

http://howsyourweekend.blogspot.com/ "How's your Weekend?"
- A nice photoblog where people from different parts of the globe submit pictures of how they spent their weekends.

And I'll share my favorite film and book blogs next time. Now I must go back to my tall heaps of reading assignments. Oh.

Random babble at six

I am currently reading about Ethnography.

Say hello to my elbow. Hello, elbow. That sounds good.

This first one I'm reading is a text written by Kirsten Hastrup, it's called "Writing Ethnography: State of the Art"

I enjoy reading the assigned texts about Development more, but I'm not complaining about this one either.

Before doing acad munchies, I was told by Yahoo news that Natalie Portman is pregnant and she is engaged to the ballet choreographer of the film "Black Swan." Oooh. Matilda from Leon is getting married to a ballet dancer, semi-interesting. Oh.

Speaking of Black Swan, I really want to watch this movie. I've only seen one of Darren Aronofsky's films, "Requiem for a Dream" but I have a copy of his earlier film - "Pi."

Now I must get back to studying Ethnography. Oh, strange world. Why?

Bye

Murakami and Harper, we could be friends. You, too! We could be friends : )

HALAMAN AT BATO! PERFECT COMBINATION HOHO
Abstruse analysis highly recommended. thank you.

You better eat your vegetables or else your
grandma's going to be upset. Uh-huh.

And happy Holidays to you, my good friend/random reader!
Someday, I'll make small hats for cats. Someday.

*** Just a quick update about my previous blog entry (refer to my drowsy-blogging entry):

* I still haven't bought the book I was talking about. I am too afraid of the events/realizations/bafflement that could follow. I'm not that concerned on how people might react if they see me carrying that book; the bemusement is really coming from a vague self-reaction. I wonder how I would react to what I will be reading? I wonder what realizations I'll have? I wonder if the confusion will fade or will it exacerbate? Oh.

* Thanks to ANIMAX, I was able to watch "Welcome to the NHK" again last night. This is my all-time favorite anime. And I don't make use of the phrase "all-time favorite" that often. I've only used this phrase for this anime and for "To Kill a Mockingbird" - yes, my all-time favorite book. And for "Pachebel's Canon" - my all-time favorite piece. Oh and my all-time favorite CMC person is ... I am kidding. No such person exist. I digress.

* I still haven't finished reading Kafka's THE METAMORPHOSIS. Good gravy, it's been so long. I have been distracted by another book (which won several awards) -- Nancy Garden's "Annie on my Mind" (1982). I never thought that I would read something like this. Never. But the story is very engaging, I shall continue reading it. I came across this title while I was reading a list of must-read books. I downloaded an e-book. I don't like e-books, but if I tell you that I am reading an e-book, it means that I'm vehemently interested in what I am reading (because I have fastidious eyes, yo). I've only read three other e-books before (this is my 4th) -- Nabokov's Lolita, Murakami's Sputnik Sweetheart, and Lisa Diamond's research on gender studies.

* As for the promised political discussion, I'll reserve this for the essay I'm working on : )

Hello, road. Where will you take me? Crapcheeseballs.

* Now that I am in a better mood/relatively alert state/I'm actually awake: I'll post some pictures that reflect my recently developed happiness hoho. I took these pictures yesterday.

We went on a family trip yesterday, as I have briefly  mentioned in my drowsy-blogging entry. It was one of those rare "family moments" as I like to call them. You see, my family is not really fond of going on trips, so whenever we go out as a family, there is much elation in my pocket. It feels quite strange to spend so much time with them. And I am also strangely happy, I am not used to this. Life seems strange to the strange.

Notions of development: An escape from the core

THIS WAS ME DURING MY PAST LIFE.
I WAS A SWEET TREAT. crapfailedwittyremark.

Hello, Pocky heaven. That sounded weird.

I want to make a documentary about fish. I'm serious.

There's something about this merry party of tomatoes which reminds me
about my own life.

This captures my current bafflements:
career plans, personal preferences, among others.

I'm one of those pebbles, trying to make something out of life.

On the road with mom, dad, and bro

My feet were feeling artsy that afternoon.

The story of 3 traffic cones: Glances, Lust, and Secrets.

There's really something about this picture (at least, for me). There's a story here, you can't deny the tension.

I took this picture on our way to that place we went to. Cheers to vagueness! : )

I shall write a short story inspired by this picture.

Breakfast at aisle 3! 

I want to have those windows.

The pink squad.
You make people fat and happy, cheers to you!

If you want to see the rest of my photographs, just visit me at http://pretsi.deviantart.com

Thank you. No, you can't consider this as spamming since this is my own blog. No, perhaps shameless plugging is a more apt label.

February 2011 is coming. The results are coming! I really hope that this one is for me. I can't wait.

Last 3 semesters in college, career plans remain uncertain. I do have plans, but too many swerves and queries are swarming around. Clarity and enlightenment, please visit me soon.

I've been having this urge to write a short story, but I can't seem to find my good writing mood (I have a big mood taxonomy). 

Cheers to a happy 2010 and a happier 2011! See you soon : )

Drowsy-blogging, quite similar to drunk driving (but I haven't experienced the latter so who am I to judge?) Wow, this is a long title.

Before you read this, I’d like to inform you, Fritz (THIS IS A NOTE TO SELF, for when the author re-reads her entries) that you wrote this while you were immensely tired and sleepy (and possibly hungry). This is the other side of you that your not-so-close-friends don’t know. Promise me you won’t type “hihi” because if you do, I will giggle.

Hihi.

You broke our promise. Oh no! And now I giggle. *giggles* *straight face*

I just came home from a family trip and I'm really tired. I'm not sure why I am typing this instead of just trying to go to sleep.

Life can be very tricky. 

I am yawning as I am typing this slew of words; my eyes are also closing at a relatively more frequent but slower phase. How is this possible? My breathing falls into a strangely calm pattern, as my feet are shyly prancing around each other. My old laptop is sitting quasi-comfortably on this flat yellow pillow resting on my quasi-numb lap. The chain of discomfort, cheers to you!

Hello.

A lot has happened, a lot indeed. And I won’t go into details because no one needs to read about that. Instead, I shall use this space to remind me of the things I should be doing instead of writing this entry while I’m practically half-asleep. I shall also use this space to write the things that have kept me busy and or not-so-busy-but-you-know-how-it-is-during-the-holidays-the-mind-is-willing-to-work-but-the-holiday-spirit-and-or-vibe-isn’t-willing-to-cooperate-so-let’s-just-eat-and-relax-and-do-all-the-acad-thingies-late-at-night-until-3am-so-I-end-up-waking-up-t-1-in-the-afternoon-but-at least-I-was-able-to-do-some-acad-work-and-I-shall-stop-talking-this-way-now.

Cheers!

Before going home to Bataan, I spent some time with my org.mates. Yes, there was the lantern parade. Same old, same old. Then there’s spending the night at the Circle of Fun. It was my first time to ride something exciting other than public transportation vehicles [sic].

I forgot the name of the ride, but it’s similar to the famous “Viking” ride. My stomach disappeared for a few minutes then it came back equipped with ineffable qualms and imaginary marshmallow worms. Oh. Whenever we swung really high, I could feel my stomach moving. My stomach was frolicking to the beat of nausea. Not a good choice, my dear stomach. It was not a good feeling. But a good night is a good night spent with friends, hence I was happy.

Then I was reunited with my childhood flame, bumper cars. I can’t remember the last time I rode a bumper car (in reality, maybe in one of my dreams I did ride one. Oh.). I’ll probably end up as a bad driver. I hope that my bumper car driving skills would not be a predictor of my real driving skills that I still have to earn.

Note: I rode a blue bumper car. Blue. This reminds me of a story from my Psych class. Oh. But let’s move on…

So to make the long story short, I had fun. Here are some pictures that could attest to that happiness:

ANS BDS AND BECAUSE I AM TOO DISORIENTED AT THIS VERY MOMENT, I CANNOT UPLOAD PICTURES PROPERLY. I'KL I'LL GET BACK ON THIS ONE.

Fast Forward, Happy dance lalala, bla bla. Family events.

Fast Forward, Happy dance lalala, bla bla. Present time.

As I am typing this pointless entry, our telephone has already rung three separate times for the past ten minutes. There’s a prank caller on the 28^th of December. Good gravy, I hope you find happiness in your life, dearest prank caller. Cheers to you!

I will be typing some incoherent phrases stitched together by further incoherence. I swear I am already sleeptyping (if such phenomenon exists).

ANIMAX is back on our cable! Holy donuts of Eden cheese, I am delighted! (kindly excuse my rambunctious expressions. I feel drowsy.) Medyo late nga lang binalik yung ANIMAX, wrong timing. Patapos na bakasyon ko at wala na rin ako time masyado magbabad sa anime goodness dahil sa acad work. Oh. Cable people, please bring back NHK World as well. Please.

Let’s talk about books.

I recently bought a secondhand copy of Franz Kafka’s THE METAMORPHOSIS and B.F. Skinner’s WALDEN TWO. I’m still finishing Kafka, so I can move on to Skinner. This sounds so kinky and geeky at the same time. This must be heaven.

I didn’t type the last two sentences above. Some other creature typed that.

I’ve also read the fresh batch of reading assignments in my favorite class – Broadcasting and Development. They were about failed “development” projects and their social and political implications. I really enjoy this class. I am learning a lot. I really think (though there’s still some space for uncertainty and doubts et al) that this is my path. I also had a heated discussion with my mom about the real notions of development. On the surface, some government and commercial projects may be signaling development, but the truth (or the truth that I perceive) is that these aren’t real developments. But an evasion of deeper social predicaments. This evasion works well for it navigates people’s attention away from the core issues and unto appealing trivialities of a materialistic society. Some may disagree, some may agree. And that is the beauty of discussions. Cheers to that!  

I swear I am half-asleep by this time.

We had a family trip today. We went somewhere. We went to ________. I took some pictures. And now I feel happier. Even though I don’t own a “great” camera, I still enjoy taking pictures of everything and everyone I see. Not all of us can have the best equipment that money can buy (me, that’s me. I’m speaking on my behalf, thank you), but we all have a pair of (discerning) eyes and some pint of creativity capable of seeing and deciding which image deserves a shot.

I wish I could find an old camera from an antique shop or a secondhand store or under my pillow (you’ll never know!). I’d like to collect vintage cameras, thank you.   

I am too sleepy to move anything aside from my fingers. And thus I shall continue typing.

NOTE TO SELF: Hi, Fritz. Let me just remind you of the event that took place yesterday. You were at a bookstore with your family, you had just attended mass. You were browsing the secondhand books section. You saw books about sociology and psychology. You saw fiction novels. Then you saw an old copy of WALDEN TWO. You bought that book. But beside WALDEN TWO was another old book you were interested in. You had second thoughts about buying it. Your hesitation was hampering your plans of academic and personal exploration. And the presence of your family has added even more tension to your already tension-filled book-buying decision-making process (yes, such process exists). You perused over the first few pages. Your pupils dilated (they probably didn’t but let’s just say that they did). It’s a book within the field of Psychology. An academic topic you have recently explored yet remains unexplored in mainstream research works. Your recent pensive mulling sessions have carved a big interest on this topic. But you are afraid of facing the possibilities that are clasped against this interest. Your curiosity nudges you to go back to that bookstore tomorrow and buy that book. But that other side of you is telling you to save yourself from dwelling in more confusion, so don’t buy that book. Insert ten exclamation marks here.  So Fritz, will you buy that book or not? It will be there waiting for you on the left shelf, left lane, middle row. Old and grey, filled with pages waiting to be read. Ideas waiting to be judged and debates waiting for much response. I say buy that book and see what you learn from it. See if the confusion fades. But the decision is yours to make, Fritz. There is money on your drawer. Your shoes are ready; the bookstore is just one ride away. It’s up to you.

Why does my supposedly “objective self” have to sound so persuasive? Why? Your objectivity has failed. I think I already know what will happen to that book on the left shelf, left lane, middle row. Oh.

geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek

School munchies update:

Finished my reports for: Comm 140, BC 197

Finished the reading assignments in: BC 160

Wrote the paper for: Psych, script for Hapon11

I still have to: study for Comm140 exam, finish 197 readings, start 160 report, restudy/practice Japanese

AND I still have to do the following because I WANT TO

·        Write a short story and or a poem

·        Write the script for the 3^rd episode of THE ADVENTURES OF DUCKY

·        Shoot Episode 3 of TAOD

·        Organize the sheet music for my organ compositions.

·        Practice playing my compositions

·        Learn a new organ piece. Attempt on composing a new piece.

·        Join a photography contest hoho

·        Write an essay

·        Dance - I am kidding. Jog

·        Finish reading my books!

·        Have a movie marathon with friends (for a change). I recently watched Requiem for a Dream, Batch ’81, I cannot remember because I am too sleepy. Jdfsfklj.

·        I’ll update this list.

I really want to talk about the present administration, the SC, and its decisions on such important issues. But now is not the right time to do that for I am not in the proper state to discuss serious issues. I shall do this tomorrow (after buying that book – Oh! Intrusive thoughts! Oh no!). Seriously, let’s talk about these issues tomorrow.

I am a drowsy creature from the planet of sleeping pills. If I don’t stop typing now, the incoherence might be too much, no decent reputation will be left for yours truly. Flying acorns! Battleship Politica! I digress. There is a sudden spur of incoherent words. Certain politicians are turning into avaricious vultures! Bacon! I am not making myself clear. I shall go to sleep now. This is my first time to blog while I am utterly too sleepy. This is different from doing acad work despite drowsiness. Tonight there is no academic pressure or educational pleasure guiding me. I am alone and drowsy, hence the birth of this blog entry. Good night! This is quite similar to writing in a drunken state, but I haven’t experienced the latter, thus I cannot make comparisons. I still have to turn off my laptop, keep it in my closet, do before-I-go-to-sleep-rituals-in-the-form-of-being-a-semi-OC person. I should really sleep now. Good night, people! May the state not succeed in its attempts of expanding power and spreading oppression over each and every one of you. Cheers!

I'm very happy

today.

: )

Cheers to one more week!

When I'm happy, I draw.

Layering possibilities. Plus a scarf.

Today, my mom bought sweaters for me.

Oh, and a bright red scarf.

She is too supportive. I am too lucky.

I got my passport yesterday.

And all that is missing is the university's confirmation.

Please, February. I'll wait for you and the good news that you shall bring. Please.

: )

This all started in July, please let this end well.

I don't talk as much in person, unless you're a snowman.

Hi. (talking to self)

There are myriad issues worthy of much discussion right now. A lot has happened: SC decision over EO1, SUCs Budget Cut, Dropping of Charges against the Morong43, Updates on the Vizconde Massacre and the Dacer-Corbito Murder Case, North Korea-South Korea Relations, Trouble over the Nobel Prize, this list can go on.

BUT I think I shall reserve my thoughts on these issues for a different time (and perhaps, for a different space). This blog will serve as my happy space. I'll find another personal space that could hold more serious essays and reflections (which this blog might lack) regarding the  mentioned topics. I might start a different account - for essays, CW outputs (which are also found here), reflections.

And another account - for CHIBI thingies (a dead hobby), musical compositions, curly and cerulean-themed fantasies (oooh).

I digress.

For the meantime, I'll keep a quasi-blithe vibe for this account.

Here's a "hihi" to keep things light and jaunty.

One more: Hihi.

****

Hi. 

It's December. The 10th of December. 2010 is coming to its end. 2011 is just a few yawns away (I've been feeling extra drowsy these past days). Next year will (should) be exciting.

This semester, I've been particularly interested in issues regarding "Development." I've been reading about the various notions on poverty and development. I think I have found my real path. Recent realizations and pensive ponder hours have given me a lot to worry about. But I do not carry these worries alone, these are worries that all nations carry. I feel more connected to a previously estranged world. And it feels strangely good to finally feel so passionate about something. All of these realizations and elations were inspired by my Broadcasting and Development class (my favorite class so far). The confusion and uncertainty is still here with me, but at least there is some progress. I now know the many paths I could take. The glossy media is definitely not part of this list. I still have around three semesters to think this over. What will I do with my college life? And what will I do with the years that follow? What can I do to contribute to plates other than my own?

Answers will come. I should start looking.

After college, I want to study Sociology. Grad. School, I think we'll be spending a lot of time together in the future. But before we meet, I hope I can develop a good relationship with the world. 

I recently revealed my "When-I'm-Old-and-Grey" Dream to a friend, so I might as well reveal it here:

After retiring from my chosen career (which is an on-going search as of the moment), I want to live in a simple home somewhere really far. Yes, this is very close to living a highly reclusive lifestyle. Perhaps in a small village somewhere near the sea. Or perhaps in some strange mountain.

I want to spend my remaining years writing (and perhaps teaching/inspiring kids).

But before this move, I want to run a bookstore cafe. 

And before the bookstore business, I want to teach.

And before teaching, I want to immerse myself with the world's concerns.

And before that, I need to understand the world better.

And before that, I need to understand myself better.

Let's end it here.

***

My sleeping problem has exacerbated. I cannot sleep at night and I feel immensely drowsy during the day. This is bad. I am badly affected. I feel tired. To counter this undesirable languor, I drink coffee more often than I should (which doesn't really work). I am now used to this eternal forlorn dimension. This perpetual uneasiness is now the norm. I partly blame my TTH 7PM class. I feel like I'm living inside an igloo, draped with rows of sleeping pills (bad metaphor). But then again, I shouldn't blame anyone or anything for my sleep-deprived state. I shall adjust, I shall improve my time management skills (if any), I shall stop singing (or limit my shower performance to just 2 songs instead of 5) in the shower to save time. (hoho)

BUT I should still make time for READING for pleasure, film viewing (and making), creative writing, and musical experiments.

I'm sure that all of us have a lot of things we want to do. Incessant rows of dreams and goals. I have all these dreams and plans, and the challenge for me is to actually start making them happen. I need to translate these plans into actuality. I'm not in a hurry. I just want to start. And enjoy the process of discovering ways to reach these goals.

***

I was supposed to read "Bee Season" by Myla Goldberg, but Franz Kafka distracted me with his "The Metamorphosis." Thus, now I am reading the latter (which I found in my favorite secondhand bookstore in campus).

Don't you just love secondhand bookstores? Aaah. The smell of old books, the tall piles of dusty books, the wrinkled and faded pages. I want to live inside a bookstore - this was my childhood fantasy. But now I want to own a bookstore cafe. Soon. Or not so soon. Nevertheless, we shall meet each other, future business.

I haven't watched much movies lately. But here are some of the films I've recently watched:

Leisure time:

* Mysterious Skin (Gregg Araki, 2004)

- This had a great impact on me. Yes, it is a disturbing film. What makes it more disturbing is the fact that as viewers we are not just outside observers, but we know that this fictional story actually happens in real life.

* Scott Pilgrim VS The World (Edgar Wright, 2010)

- It was fun. And Mr. Cera was in it. Oh.

* Senior Year (Jerrold Tarog, 2010)

- Great film! I'll write about this next time. I watched this yesterday.

In class: 

* Oliver (Nick Deocampo, 1983)

* Celso and Cora (Gary Kildea, 1983)

* Nanook of the North (Robert Flaherty, 1922)

- These are some of my favorite movies that we watched in class. (mostly from my broadcasting and development class and my ethnographic videography class)

I want to watch more old Filipino films. It's sad that most students don't have access to these wonderful films. I hope that today's youth would be more exposed to these kinds of movies.

I'll post film reactions in my tumblr account : )

***

THE SAD PART: I haven't watched any ANIME. I feel so empty (prone to exaggeration).

I shall finish watching K-On!S2 soon.

***

I have 12 organ compositions so far! Cheers! 

Cheers to more compositions!

Haruka Nakamura (Japanese composer), you still inspire me.

And of course, it all began with you, Mr. Debussy : )

***

I attended this year's LGBT Pride March last Saturday. It was our field trip in my LGBT Psychology class. What an interesting event that was. And now, heaps of contradicting queries have just added to my plate. 

I am looking forward to writing my first comic book script for my Creative Writing class. I'm also quite excited (and nervous) for my Poetry and Fiction Writing exercises. This will be fun : )

***

In other (irrelevant but semi-interesting) news,

* I think I have gotten over my brief episode of "Limerence." Finally.

* I jogged once. Just once since classes started. This is sad. hoho.

* My housemate and I are planning on creating a food blog. We'll be reviewing ALL the restaurants in Katipunan, QC. Yes, we are ambitious (and hungry) and we need money/donations.

* There are carolers! Hihi

* I finally bought my first bar of Meiji Milk Chocolate. I finally had my first cup of Yogato. Hoho

* I finally have my passport! And I already sent a scanned copy to my coordinator from Ritsumeikan. The final results will be out in February. I really (repeat ten million times) hope that I pass! Oh, please! Utang na loob! Please lang, please.

* My friend who applied for a scholarship in Korea already passed. I'm so happy for her. I hope that I'm as lucky as her : )

* Why are white shirts so amusing? Why? Oh nooo. haha

bye

Medyo malamig na. Medyo. Ang saya : )

Medyo weird na dalawang araw ko nang kinakanta yung "Chasing Pavements" (Adele). Medyo may relevance. Medyo napapanahon. O hindi rin. Oh.

Hindi ko na masyado nakikita si mysterious curly person (classmate last sem). Interesting progress. This shall turn into a short story/poem (partly inspired by my Psych class and CW class.oh)

I'm applying for another org. I feel that it's already too late in the game uh-huh, but let's see if this ends well.

I'm seriously pondering over character issues. I knew that this would happen if I took that course. I knew it. Good thing, I had a very enlightening conversation today, with a very knowledgeable friend.

Cheers to mulling sessions and eclectic decisions!

This month is vehemently interesting. Yes.

I'm less confused.

This is good.

Let's keep this going.

Time management, let's become lovers.

My wisdom tooth is growing. It's coming out. You're so brave for coming out and causing me pain.
Hello there. You're a brave little tooth, aren't you? Congratulations for coming out.

I really need to get my passport. If I don't, I might as well say good bye to my Japan Plan.

I love my Broadcasting and Development class. Too many realizations in one sitting. I think I've heard my calling.

Writing in separate phrases is fun.

I think I'm no longer confused by the curly query. I must now focus on more important matters.

1st coverage for my BroadJourn class on Tuesday. Oh, the frisson. Let's do this. I love this class by the way. Great prof, great class.

This will be a busy weekend. Cheers to jovial learning!

 Justice, politics, and hindrances. No more messy rigmaroles, please.

Cheers!

Biyernes, bakit di natin subukan?

I wrote this today. 

Someone once told me (Well, the entire class, not just me. But, you see, this is my favorite class...so...) to try and write in the language that we use in our dreams (or something close to this). 

"...ang wika sa iyong mga panaginip."

I'm quite fond of writing. And most of my stories/poems are in english. But I also write in Filipino. Iba rin talaga pag Filipino ang gamit na wika. Nagsimula ang pagsusulat na ito sa "Lagusan" na balak rin naming gawan ng isang maikling pelikula. Sana matupad na ang short film project na ito na nagsimula pa noong 2009, habang naghihintay ng susunod na palabas sa eiga sai 09. Nagmamasid lang kami, tumitingin sa mga paa. Tapos naisipang gumawa ng pelikula, pero never naman nangyari.

Masarap magkaroon ng ganitong klase ng mga kaibigan : )

****

Biyernes, bakit di natin subukan?

"Chicharon, teng?" tanong ng estranghero.

Teng? Bakit teng? tanong ko sa sarili. Ikaw palang tumatawag sa akin ng "teng." Medyo natawa ako. Hindi kasi ikaw ang inaasahan kong tatawag sa akin niyan. At least, hindi "thing" o "thong." Mabuti na rin siguro ang "teng."

Hindi man ako bumili ng iyong chicharon, hangad ko ang ikakaunlad mo. Niyo.

"Buko pie? Buko pie?" tanong ng pangalawang estranghero.

Marami pang sumunod:

"Tubig, C2?" "Candy, Bulgar, itlog pugo?" "Grapes, te." "Apple, mapula." "Orange, matamis." "Kasuy?" "Mani, mainit."

Tila mga makata na naging kirida ang kapitalista. O parang mga artista na sa bus ay rumarampa.

Halos walang bumili sa kanilang mga paninda. Nakatingin ang karamihan sa lumulutang na telebisyon, ang iba nama'y tulog o kaya'y nagpapanggap na tulog, at ang ilan ay abala sa kanya-kanyang mundo.

Walang benta. Paano na kaya sila?

Naalala ko tuloy si Celso at si Cora, nasaan na kaya sila? Pati na rin ang mga anak nilang si Totoy at Maricel. Sigarilyo pa rin ba ang puhunan o may bago nang takbuhan? Celso at Cora, kamusta na kayo? Eh si Gary, kinakamusta kaya kayo? Halos tatlong dekada na rin ang lumipas simula nang buhay niyo'y ipinakita di lamang sa Pinas, ngunit maging sa ibang bansa.

Bago ako sumakay ng bus, napadpad muna ako sa isang 4-peso comfort room. O kung anuman ang dapat itawag dito.

Andun yung babae, tahimik na nakaupo, nagbabantay sa banyo sa likod. Sa kaliwa niyang kamay ay isang pink na pamaypay, tila sumasayaw. Parang flaminggong naliligaw sa mausok na gubat ng di maintindihang lungsod. 

Tumitig ako sa kanyang mga mata, pero mata ni ate'y tila mailap. Inabot ko ang apat na piso, lahat nakaharap ang malalamig na titig ng bayaning si Jose. Inabot naman ni ate ang makinis at manipis na pink na papel, ang tiket, na mamaya'y aking malulukot at maiwawala.

Orange ang dingding ng banyong ito. Malinis, maaliwalas. Mas mura nang anim na piso kumpara sa Gateway, pero mas mahal sa libre at paboritong banyo sa aming kolehiyo.

Buti na lang at ako'y nakapagsipilyo kani-kanina lamang sa aming kolehiyo. Dahil ang sumalubong sa akin ay isang babaeng masusing sinusuri ang kanyang katawan. Left arm up, right arm up. Titig, himas, titig. Masusi niyang pinag-aralan ang kaliwa't kanan. Tumayo ako sa tabi niya, tumingin ako sa malaking salamin habang tinatali ang aking kulot na buhok. Ngunit ang aking peripheral vision ay sadyang makulit, ang aking atensyon ay nababaling pa rin.

Sa kaliwa ko naman ay isang ale na sa pulbos ay nawiwili. Pulbos dito, pulbos doon. Parang niyebe sa mainit na tanghali. Hindi nga ba masarap ang pakiramdam pag pulbos ay dumapo sa ating balat. Tila makinis at presko ang pakiramdam. Parang telang mabilis na dumaplis sa ating katawan. Isang panandaliang saklolo sa nagiinit na katawan.

Kulay krema ang mga cubicle sa banyong ito. Malinis. Mahusay ang paglilinis dito. May basurahan at may sabitan pa ng bag. Mahusay nga naman. Habang nakakulong sa kulay kremang cubicle, ako'y napaisip sa problemang kagabi'y sa aki'y dumating. Ilang minuto pa ang aking nilaan para sa pag-iisip tungkol sa simpleng problema, pero pagkatapos noon, ako ay lumabas na.

Bago pa man ako makarating sa banyong ito, ako muna'y napalibutan ng malungkot na kulay ng LRT.

Iba rin ang pakiramdam tuwing sumasakay ng LRT. Masayang malungkot magbiyahe nang mag-isa. Masarap pagmasdan ang mga taong naghihintay, masarap abangan ang paparating na tren, at damahin ang hangin sa kanyang pagdating. May ibang saya rin ang dala sa paglalambitin sa loob ng tren. 

Bago sumakay ng LRT, ako'y nanggaling sa aming kolehiyo. Natuwa at napangiti sa Christmas tree na sa amin ay bumati.

Nasa lobby ang Christmas tree na ito. Lobby. Ito ang pangalawang paborito kong lugar sa kolehiyo. Masarap tumambay dito, may libreng saksakan at sagap ng internet. Magandang lugar para umupo at gumawa ng mga dapat gawin gaya ng papers, readings, o editing, o kung anuman. Masarap ring makipagkuwentuhan. At siyempre, masarap pagmasdan ang mga taong napapadaan.

Lakaran sa langit. Ito ang paborito.

Dapat magkakaroon ng bagong pangulo ngayong araw na ito. Pero kita mo nga naman ang panahon, mapagbiro talaga. Bigla na lang natanggal ang kinatawan ng mga mag-aaral. Ipagpaliban na lamang sa ibang araw.

Kasabay pa nito ang iba pang masamang balita na nagbabanta.

Kasabay pa nito ang di siguradong katuparan ng nag-iisang makinang na pangarap.

Time machine talaga ang perpektong pantasya.

Marami ring nagaganap sa paboritong hagdanan, na siyang nagsisilbing koneksyon sa pagitan ng dalawang paboritong lugar sa kolehiyo. Sa hagdanang ito, tila slow-mo ang mga pangyayari. Slow-mo at detalyado. Medyo hindi planado.

Kanina sa bus, tatlong pasahero lamang ang natira. Medyo dumidilim na. Bigla ko namang naalala itong isang eksena sa isang pelikula. At bigla namang sumakit ang aking bagong tumutubong wisdom tooth.

Lumubog na ang araw, pero ang mga tindero at tindera'y buhat-buhat pa rin ang di nabawasang paninda. Naglalakad sa dilim, nag-aabang ng masasakyan pauwi.

***

Lagusan.

Lagusan sa Vienna, hinahanap ni Maria. 

Nasaan, naroon? Tanong ng dalaga.

Keso't alak, matitikman ba? 

Lagusan sa Vienna, nais niyang makita.

Tatay ni Maria ay isang mamamahayag,

malayang nagsusulat, malayang nagmumulat. 

Ngunit isang umaga, sa malubak na kalsada

buhay niya'y kinuha, binaril, at binura.

 Isang taon matapos maulila sa ama,

itim na damo'y patuloy na gumapang,

patuloy na umusbong 

sa lupaing nilamon 

ng sandata't barya.

Isang taon matapos maulila sa ama,

nanay ni Maria ay tila nawala.

Walang bakas, walang marka

kung saan siya nagpunta.

Hiling ni Maria na siya ay makita,

sa Maynila, sa Laguna, o di kaya

sa Vienna.

Ang pangarap ni Maria na makapuntang Europa

ay buhay na buhay

sa kabila ng pagkaulila.

"Bakit sa Vienna?" tanong ng binata

na pilit niyayakap ang dalaga.

"Sa Vienna, ako'y magiging malaya,

ako'y magtatrabaho, ako'y kikita." 

sabi ni Maria matapos umilag sa 

yakap ng mapilit na binata.  

"Ako, sa Tsina ko nais pumunta." 

bulong ng binata sa tenga ni Maria.

"Great Wall of China, yan ang gusto

kong makita." sabay hugot ng singkwenta

sa kanang bulsa.

Mabilis na kinuha, lukot na singkwenta,

napakunot pa ang noo ni Maria.

"Bakit singkwenta? Hindi ba isang daan?"

sigaw ni Maria.

Inayos ng binata ang lukot na polo,

sabay hugot sa sinturon,

sabay hagis ng benteng bulok.

Kasing haba ng pader sa Tsina, 

ang gabing ito para kay Maria.

Ang binata ay isa lamang

sa mga taong kanyang dapat pakisamahan,

may alkohol man o wala,

pakikisama ay kailangan.

Pinulot ni Maria ang karagdagang bente,

"Mabuti nang kulang, kesa wala." 

bulong ni Maria sa kanyang sarili.

Habang si Maria ay nagpapalamig

matapos mabilad sa init ng gabi,

ang kapatid niyang bunso ay nagpapahangin,

kasama ang kabarkada't patalim.

Singhot, kalabit, tutok, takbo.

Tila isang ritwal na nakabisa ni bunso.

"Pare, isang araw ako'y magmamaneho,

Mercedes Benz, pare, yung kulay ginto!"

Halakhak, tulak, tadyak, dura.

"Ambisyoso ka kaibigan, heto sampung 

piso, ibigay mo sa ate mo, sana'y dalawin niya
naman ako."

Nagpaalam na si bunso, hindi sa mundo, 

kundi sa mga kaibigan.

Tulak-tulak ang karitong may laman

na sako't tsinelas, lata at barya.

"Ate, tignan mo itong nakita ko."

sabi ni bunso pagkauwi sa kanila.

"Isang pares ng pulang tsinelas,parang

pang-prinsesa. Isukat mo na."

Nagtaka si Maria, mala-Cinderella

ang pasalubong ni bunso, di siya makapaniwala.

"Nakita ko yan, sa may palayan. May tatlong sundalo,

hinubaran ang dawalang dalaga. Kaya matapos nilang umalis,

aking kinuha itong naiwang tsinelas ng umiiyak na dalaga." 

Dalawang dalaga'y matagal nang nawawala,

sila'y di makita, di mahagilap,

tila mga pangarap na maagang nawasak. 

Ang mga inakusahan, patuloy na tumatanggi,

parang aso kung makangiti.

"Aba, dapat mo iyang isumbong sa pulis, bunso!"

Sigaw ni Maria, pero kanyang mga mata'y nakatitig 

na sa magandang tsinelas na ngayo'y 

nasa ilalim na ng kanyang mga paa.

"Ate, wag na. Baka ako'y masaktan lamang,

gaya ni Kuya."

Kuya nila Maria at Bunso ay matagal nang patay.

Nauna pa sa kanilang ama, 

nauna pang mataya

sa maruming laro

ng mga nakaupo.

Bagong daan patungo sa pagbabago,
iyan ang pangakong narinig ni Maria,
ilang buwan lang ang nakalipas,
mula sa malaking bunganga ng
makinang na midya.

Maunlad na raw ang bayan ni Maria,
mataas na kung lumipad
ang mga pekeng ibon, mas mataas pa
sa lipad ng mga saranggola.

Naglalakihang gusali, nanatiling nakatirik
gaya ng mga paubos na kandila
sa lugar ng kamatayan
ng ama ni Maria.

Balang araw, magiging inhinyero raw si Bunso.
Yan ang sabi ng nanay ni Maria, bago
siya lumisan sa naninigas na bayan.
Ngayon, si bunso kumpleto sa kagamitan,
patalim, martilyo, at plais.
Baon niya sa gabihang pagdalaw
sa mga mataong gusali.

"Masarap kaya sa Vienna?" tanong ni Maria,
habang nakatitig sa kanyang mga paa.
Nakahiga sa kama ng di niya kakilala,
nagbibilang kung ilan pang minuto
ang natitira,
kung magkano ang dapat singilin,
para makabili ng pagkain para kay bunso,
para makaipon ng perang itatago
sa ilalim ng unan
para sa Vienna'y siya'y makarating.

Balang araw, lagusan sa Vienna, makikita rin ni Maria.
Pero sa ngayon, ibang lagusan ang kanyang tinatahak,
marumi, masikip, at madaya.
Lagusan na tinatahak ngayon ni Maria.

***

(Took these pictures last sembreak. Wrote this story today.)